See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
We shopped, planned, separated out, and packed until I thought backpacks would burst. Outfits laid out the night before were thrown on with a mixture of excitement and nerves and breakfast was gulped down. Then, we rushed around, and hurried to each school.
Hesitant steps and nervous stomachs led us into the middle school where our oldest barely looked back before turning the corner and out of my sight.
Just like that.
In a lightning-fast span of 3 seconds he went from being my elementary kid to my middle schooler. As he snuck one last glance at me, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. And then he was gone.
7 of us walked into that school and only 6 of us walked out. I held in my tears.
We raced to the next school and worked up a sweat getting all 5 to their classes. Forms were filled out and backpacks and lunches desposited amid a blur of "you're going to have a great day"s and whispered "I love you's".
I walked out of the school empty handed, eyes full.
Time keeps marching on, despite my best efforts to slow it down and savor every moment.
God keeps reminding me that these beauties He's blessed us with aren't really ours. These kids who I love with all of myself and who are amazing kids are amazing because He has a purpose for them.
It's a crazy balancing act every day to master when to hold on and when to let go.
I sat in the car in our driveway for 10 minutes before I could bring myself to go into the empty house.
My job for the moment was done. They were out of my hands and entrusted into someone else's. It's the scariest feeling in the world. And as hard as it is, I know it's just the tip of the iceberg.
In no time at all, these kids will be walking graduation, wedding aisles, and out the door to their own lives. I'm both proud and terrified.
They're great kids and I want the world to see that, but I don't like sharing them.
The Lord has been leading me to this day my whole life. And He'll continue leading me to every new place.
Even when it feels like the wheels are spinning too fast and I can't hold on, He's there.
He gifted us these kids to train up and send out.
We have the immense privilege of watching them grow, mature, and learn...and then soar.
I'll take the gut-wrenching ache of watching them walk away over never having the pleasure of seeing these amazing people grow into His plan for them.
In this moment, it's all too much. God chose us to parent these kids. He chose us, knowing our short-comings and (many) faults. What an honor.
Today I'll cry. Tomorrow I'll cry less. Before I know it, the days will be common and my heart won't ache as much.
But never for a moment will I take for granted the gift it is to parent these beauties.